Rob Ford Denies that He is Homophobic, Obese, or Named 'Rob Ford.'
TORONTO, ON- In a Youtube video released on Friday, Mayor Rob Ford denied allegations of homophobia, alcoholism, obesity, that he is Mayor of Toronto and that his name is Rob Ford.
"I take offense to what is being said about me. I am not homophobic. I am not fat. I am not a bumbling, red-faced disgrace to the office of the mayor. In fact, I'm not mayor. I'm not Rob Ford."
Ford's brother Doug echoed the mayor's denials, calling the media "a pack of bullies," and standing up for his alleged brother as he has done on multiple occasions in the past.
"The people out there are smarter than the media. The media will try to twist it, angle it every which way they can to make sure they put their little spin on the story. But guess what media, the people are too smart," said Doug Ford.
These statements are the latest in a long string of denials from the Ford brothers over the mayor's drug abuse, alcohol consumption, close association with criminals, his recent campaign to have the Pride flag removed from City Hall, and now his occupation and the basic facts of his physical existence.
"I don't know how this rumour even got started," said Rob Ford when faced with photographic evidence of his inauguration and irrefutable proof of his legal identity.
The mayor was then seen entering a restroom, from which he emerged nearly an hour later babbling incoherently about Jamaican terrorists, making lewd gestures at female staffers, and pretending to wipe his ass with a replica of the AIDS quilt, events which both Ford brothers vehemently denied.
